Whenever I think about efficiency in story telling one scene from Pirates of the Caribbean comes to mind.
It happens relatively early in the movie. Jack Sparrow – I’m sorry – Captain Jack Sparrow has fled from his shenanigans at the Porte Royal harbour into Will’s forge. Will on the other hand just arrived back at his workplace from delivering a rapier to the governor. Next, four lines of the screenplay, move the story forward, while conveying so much information:
Will enters the forge, shuts the door behind him. Spots the drunken Mister Brown in the corner.
Will: Right where I left you.
Something catches his eye: an empty peg on the wall. The sledge lying beside the anvil.
Will (under his breath): Not where I left you.
Two short and simple lines are spoken in the movie. Ten words. But a lot is said.
Set up and Payoff in one
The first line of monologue, “Right where I left you” tells the audience that Mister Brown spends his time drunk and sleeping. This is a comedic payoff from the scene before, when the governor told Will to thank his master and compliment him. It also establishes Will’s character: He did all the work, he has the talent and skill but he gets underappreciated because of his lowly status and he’s not defending himself.
The story does not have to stop awkwardly to show this background of Will, on the contrary, the line serves as a setup and pushes the story forward.
“Right where I left you” establishes that Brown has not moved, and therefore he could not be responsible for the change in the room. The first line gives reason for Will to suspect that something is wrong when he notices that some objects are “Not where I left you”.
The second line is a payoff and setup in one as well. It pays off the first line in that it creates a juxtaposition: something didn’t move, something else did. It is funny as well, the way he delivers the line. But also ominous. Because him realizing that something is off, tells the audience that he will investigate and this creates tension. Will he find Jack? What happens then?
Lessons: Two short lines packed with meaning and context.
- Efficient writing is when a line acts as payoff from what came before and as setup for what comes next.
- Short lines can establish character background
- Even simple lines should have a comedic effect in appropriate movies
- Short lines can move the story forward at a pleasant and logically coherent pace
- Each line should create tension